What do you do for a living? [Ed: Whatever you do, don’t ever get pushed into believing this author actually gives a crap about anything in your life. He just thought that sentence up there would work as a cool intro to this article. Beware!]

It’s funny how many professions and positions of employment have an evil side that their occupants don’t even know about. Let’s sample dem:

Journalist:

• A major building has collapsed in town
• Oh my God yes! It’s pay day! Where?

Coffin seller (oldest one):

• There was an accident
• Finally! Where?
• In Mabira. But they all survived
• Oh c’mon!

Boda Boda:

• Wow honey, you bought chicken? What are we celebrating?
• Those of taxis are striking tomorrow

Teacher:

• Did Katende pass?
• Yes, he was promoted to P.7
• Shit! Walayi I earned a lot of coaching money from that boy! Is there a way to…
• No!

Police officer:

• When is the next riot?
• I don’t know. Besigye is not standing again. Why?
• Man, some of us might be fired for being dormant and disorderly.

Speaking of…

We interrupt our broadcast to pass on a message to the teargas department of the government:

Gavumenti, this is to inform you that we shall also be striking at ULK. We shall get back to you with the exact day of the strike as soon as we find a reason.

Continuing…

Doctor:

• Thanks for the advice, doc. I’ll make sure I don’t get sick again
• What!
• Your nurse gave me some really good health tips
• Psst…nurse? Can I talk to you outside for a second? What the hell are you doing? Do you want to run me out of business?

U.N. employee:

• What do you mean there are no more starving women and children in Africa? Check again! Hello? He hung up on me!
• Well then find me some other miserable country to give free food and make the U.S. look good

Psychiatrist:

• I feel dejected and all torn up inside, I want to commit suicide even…
• Good. Good. That’s progress. Ah huh?
• What? Hey, is that solitaire on your phone?!
• Just keep talking

Advertiser:

• This right here is the best product on the market
• But that’s what the other guy said about his prod…
• Hey am trying to make a living here. Will you cut me some slack? I’m paid to say it’s the best and if you’re really my best friend, you’ll believe me

IT guy:

• Hey can we have a chat?
• Am logging onto yahoo messenger now
• No, I mean talk. I need your new address coz…
• http colon forward slash…
• No! What’s wrong with you?

Bartender:

• I don’t want to get high. What’s the percentage of this?
• Four thousand five hundred
• What?
• The money!

Public relations officer:

• We support many community causes, social events…
• Your company sucks!
• …and make regular charity donations to…
• When I call your customer care I can’t even go through! You suck!
• …a number of disadvantaged groups…
• I swear you suuuuuuck!
• …all over the country. So as you see we are a caring company. Thank you.

And that’s all we have for you today. If your profession doesn’t appear, register your complaint with the nearest police station and our public relations guy will get back to you.