Many men love attention. Some love to cry like little babies and have naked women run to their rescue while others prefer to just become Lord Mayor.

Unfortunately, Erias Thuglife Lukwago has been robbed of this responsibility. The poor idiot has been – how do you say ‘kicked the shit out of his seat’ without sounding mean?

So what’s next for someone who was supposed to just be attending ceremonies but got kicked out for not attending them properly?

1. Start your own ceremonies.

The position of Lord Mayor is only ceremonial. So when one’s ceremonies are taken away, why not go solo? Throw a massive birthday party and turn one of the speakers towards KCCA screaming, “Take that, b#@&?%$s! I gat my own ceremonies now!”

2. Or you could just start an events company.

3. Become an MC.

What better way to be ceremonial than to become a Master of Ceremonies? The Fire Base Crew recently placed an ad in Monitor & New Vision asking for an MC with a KCCA background. Only that the ad didn’t run. Being a Lord Mayor was an added advantage because, you know, they are all talk.

4. Buy your own teargas.

One of the privileges of being Lord Mayor is you enjoy free teargas whenever you walk the streets. But who needs donated teargas when you can buy your own, right? And then walk like a boss cos, believe it or not, in Uganda, having your own teargas is a sign that you’ve made it big in politics.

5. Become a presidential advisor.

In Uganda, anyone can be presidential advisor. All you have to do is be a political failure. Even a baby rejected by the Electoral Commission for lack of minimum requirements could become a Presidential Advisor on Diaper Affairs.