Legendary Editor,

My name is Sex. Recently I came to light in a very bad manner in certain top political circles. I think it was the former Vice President of Uganda who talked about me indecently. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all for indecency and getting kinky and stuff. If I were restrictive, people wouldn’t like me much. And I like to be liked. I’m used to being publicly ridiculed every single day by some tabloids but please keep my name out of politics.

See, there’s good sex and then there’s political sex. I am good sex and would love the public to keep it that way. Political sex was banished by one of the ancient Roman emperors for reasons best known to him. But it was rumoured that political sex used to produce most of the emperor’s enemies which frustrated him and forced him to decree that no one was allowed to have sex unless it was strictly for non-political reasons. And that’s why I was created.

Rapists and defilers have political sex. So do zoophiles and MUK students. So it really hurts to wake up one morning just to be stiffened by some news that a politician had me. You want to know what happens when I am had politically? Look at all political sex products: Your president, Kirunda Kivejinja, Nasser Ntege, Basajjabalaba, ninety per cent of the MPs and almost the entire cabinet.

So please madam Specioza sijui Wandiwhat, you either have me properly in your bedroom with no sign of anything political or you just leave me the heck alone. And having me with another politician is also out of line. If you’re into politics, you must neutralise me by having me with a non-politician.

Sex