Ho Ho Ho! (What was Santa thinking having that for a trademark laugh? Matter of fact, no, this is not the way to start a blockbuster story when kids are looking.)
Take II
Brethren, jingle bells (That’s better). As our way of saying thank you to all our legendary fans for making it to this great day with us, we premier the festive version of legendary awesomeness in the form of the greatest Christmas story ever told. Hope you came with your eyes. Let’s roll!
Chapter I: Breaking The News
What? Me? Pregnant? Where?!
“Oh Mary! You complete me. I love you! I love you full full condition. Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you! You hear me? Nothing! I wanna love you forever!”
“Joseph! Do you really mean that? Do you really?”
“Yes, absolutely. There’s no way that’s gonna change. No way! Nothing you could tell me would sway me!”
“Well there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I didn’t know how you’d react.”
“Now, now sweetheart. Fear not. I’m sure we can overcome anything, no matter how big, no matter how heavy. We are together in all this. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is ours.”
“I’m having a baby, and it’s not yours. Frankly, I just found out it’s mine…”
“Say what???”
A few hours ago…
Chapter II: The Sheep People
Meanwhile in Bethlehem, Artie, French and Bobo, three shepherds, are sitting on a hillock, staring at their sheep.
“Look at them. How can anything be so dumb and not choke on its own ears?”
“I know. If I wasn’t a shepherd, if I didn’t actually see these things with my very own eyes, I frankly would not believe they actually existed. You would tell me about them, and I would swear you are lying. Look at that one.”
“What is it doing?”
“It is trying to mate with that blade of grass, I think. Oh, it has given up. Now it is trying to eat that ewe.”
Suddenly there is a bright light in the sky.
“Son! What is that! That is not a question!”
“Oh no! My ex-wife has found me!”
“Relax guys. It’s just Superman. Probably time-traveling because it is 4 BC and he hasn’t been invented yet.”
“You’re sure it’s not a bird or a plane?”
One sheep looked at another sheep and said, in Sheep language: “And they say we’re stupid.”